BLC update...

well....not so sure about the bookkeeping, but other areas of my challenge are going just fine, thanks!! and here are a couple of pics to prove it (to myself!)

Beachy, just beachy :)

Well, back from the beach....a bit burned (my scalp, DONNIT!) and just so happy...and tired...and happy...and looking towards leaving on Thursday for another trip. YIKES!! I don't need to be stressed though (tap, tap...) I'm just going to enjoy the days as they come and go. Prepare the best I can (do some laundry, etc.) and live and love my boys as we do "real life" stuff too!! Another week of substituting days for karate :) and another week where the restaurant paperwork will stay piled on the table. And so it is. All is (still) Well.


this last pic is just a reminder to myself, lol

Back in the groove...

I'm excited to get back into a groove of posting more often. I'm going to try to work it into my week at least once, maybe more... I'm going to focus on living in the NOW & I think that will help :) I'm going to set aside time for myself to plan and blog and it'll be good to do that without feeling guilty or thinking about the 20 million other things I "should" be doing.

I'm removing that word from my vocab, BTW. "Should" is now going to be replaced with "could". Ahhhhhh. Doesn't that feel better?

Some thinks I don't want to miss that happened since my last posting, a month ago...

I visited my friend Diane, the Spiritual Healer. As happened last time, it was an eye-opening, heart-opening experience that left me changed forever. I went to her to talk about my persisting back pain (that I shouldn't still be having, damnit! I don't need it anymore!), my crazy chaotic home, inability to finish projects (including the restaurant bookkeeping that's piled on the folding table behind the couch...going on 2 wks now), my weight, life purpose (just thought I'd slip that one in there with the other "mundane" stuff, lol), and perfectionism that leaves me unable to do anything (I call it "lazy perfectionist syndrome"). Not much to work on at all, LMAO!

Just the highlights- she confirmed my suspicion that these things are all entwined :). My back pain is because of supporting everyone else and not feeling supported OR making it a priority to put myself first and support myself. My back, quite literally, can't take it!!

-the reason I can't "fix" my perfectionism problem is because it's not mine to fix. Huh? Well, we all know that we model our parents growing up...and sometimes pick up their traits and stuff. Well, my father has always been a type-A perfectionist and I was expected to excel at everything. The pressure that I felt since them led me to believe that I was a perfectionist....a lazy perfectionist because I just froze up and didn't do anything!! Diane helped me to realize that I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST! Holy Shit! All these years worrying, wasting energy and not doing what I wanted to do because I couldn't do it perfect....when I really don't care that much at all. And let me tell you, she was right... because now that I've let go of that, I feel so FREE, HAPPY and ALIVE.

I'm not concerned about starting projects and not finishing them anymore, because like I told Diane...I'm not going to start projects that I don't really want to do! And if I decide not to finish something....OH WELL! Whatever! Next! :)

And as for the CRAZY chaos in my living space...my dear friend, Shari (aka the librarian), lent me the book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.


It's been SO helpful...emotionally, I'm ready to let go and clear the air, so to speak...and I told Diane that I could see the clutter just flowing out the door quite effortlessly...and that's what's happening!! This book was just what I needed. A quick read, it helped me to think of the energy I'm wasting on the crap in the house. I know that this will flow into the area of my "body clutter" as well ;) and the boys are jumping on the band wagon without me asking them to join in.



Declan was stoked to get his room started, and tired of waiting on me... so I took a break from my clutter clearing and helped him start on his room. I was in the NOW. Not thinking of *my* projects still waiting, but really BEING with him and his space. And I didn't even get irritated when we got sidetracked in the dress-up clothes...of course, I had to grab the camera, tho!!


I especially like Declan's reindeer horn "beard".





















Declan and Dirk went to Magic Mountain for the day, last Tuesday, and Torin and I spent the day together doing ALL sorts of fun things! Bowling (Torin's first time) with the boys' bookclub, a stop by a bakery, and a trip for Webkinz! We closed off the day with dinner at Red Lobster....funny thing, too, as we were headed to dinner, Dirk called and he and Declan were headed the same place!





I love these pictures of Torin :) He was kicking back in his cool bowling shoes... we'd discussed how he'd *have* to wear the special shoes (he's not much of a shoe wearer) and it turns out he LOVED them. Was so smitten I asked the manager if they ever sold them...unfortunately not :(

He's so dang cute, posing by the ball return!

This is a purple dinosaur cookie with a Torin head...

And he got to hold a lobster :) the manager thought he was pretty cute, too.

Give the world the best you have...

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful
You will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

- MOTHER THERESA
Carved into the wall of her
home for children in Calcutta

Try it On Everything....

I am approximately 5 minutes into this movie and I'm already teary-eyed and touched by the personal stories.

Try It On Me!! Try It On Everything! It feels like my life is about to change in a big way...I already feel more empowered :)

Boundless Living Challenge!

I just came upon the Boundless Living Challenge last night and after a teleseminar about "Creating" myself with Tracy Liebmann of Transforming Family. It just seemed to be divine timing and I decided to do it, even though I'll only have a month instead of 45 days. Below is my first blog entry for the challenge...

**********

I really have some "unsureness" of what to focus on for this challenge. I would like to better my health/fitness/wellness but at this point I'm surrounded by physical chaos and that could be very helpful to focus on too.... so I decided to sleep on it last night, meditate on it and what I came up with was this:

I feel stuck. I need to do some EFT and see if there's a childhood memory that is at the root of this :)

I have always had a hard time keeping my home/life organized. ARGH!! I've organized and REorganized my desk no less than a hundred times, for instance. I've often felt like I was going to drown in paper. I have multiple projects going on at once and "stuff" from them in different areas of the house.

We have chosen the amazing journey of keeping our boys at home instead of sending them to school. That adds to the "stuff" factor...and I want our home to be LIVED in...I don't want to live in a model home...I just want some organization!!! I don't want to have to *think* about the chaos so much. Maybe this about living in the NOW? That's a message I've been receiving from different sources lately. If I was living in the NOW, I would do what I was doing and put the stuff away when I was done with it! Instead, I'm thinking about the million :) other things I have left to do, and so I don't finish what I'm doing!!

I love having a rhythm to our week, but find that there are so many things that I'd like to "do" that don't get done! I want to organize my time without feeling bound by a schedule. How do I do that?? I don't know but I'd like to figure it out!!

On top of this :) I was asked by a friend if I could help her get her paperwork handled for her restaurant. This was the beginning of 2007 (March, I think?) and I thought that would be fun! I actually enjoy organizing other peoples' stuff, lol. When I started, I didn't realize that they were behind. WAY behind...like their accountant hadn't been able to file their 2005 or 2006 taxes at that point. So, June 2007, she mentioned that (oh, and that it wasn't just the one restaurant, but their other location too!) and my bookkeeping journey began. The accountant uses Quickbooks, and so I needed to purchase the software and learn how to put it in the receipts! All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed...and still do. At this point, I've finished 2005 and 2006 (boxes and boxes of random receipts, papers, etc to go through, organize and put into the computer) and I'm into the bags of 2007. The accountant, understandably, wants to get it done...and I've got a block. I need to take baby steps, and took out a bag of papers to organize yesterday. I spent two hours on them and I'm almost through it. I have two boxes left of 2007 and then onto 2008.

I think the underlying issue for me is perfection. Perfectionism in a slob? lol Yep, I've heard it called the lazy perfectionist...if I can't do it perfectly I don't want to start. This stems, I believe, from childhood. My dad was (and still is!) a very critical, demanding, "perfectionist" himself and I never seemed to measure up. I got all A's in high school, except one B. Guess what I heard about? I got lectured about the B...I must not have not tried my best, yadda yadda.

A often-used saying in our home was:

"If a job is once begun,
Finish it until it's done.
Be the labor great or small,
Do it right, or not at all!"

HMMMMMMMM>>>>>>>>DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL???? My husband and I laugh about this now. He's tried to give me a new ending to the little rhyme- "Do it now and have a ball!" But somehow, I've internalized that "do it right or not at all".

So, I'm going to do this thing! I'm going to break down the walls from childhood...I'm going to let go of needing to do things perfectly. I'm going to take control of the "clutter" of my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place, maybe? Or close :) I want to have a creative environment for my boys, so I need to have flexibility! I don't have to be perfect :) I don't have to be perfect :) I don't have to be perfect :)